Word #3: Discriminate

Here is my word for today February 4, 2020: DISCRIMINATE

The simple dictionary definition of this word is “to recognize a distinction; to differentiate”---that sounds innocent enough.  But, the next phrase is “to make a distinction in favor of or against a person or thing on the basis of the group, class, or category to which the person or thing belongs rather than according to actual merit”---this has a more potentially disquieting characterization.

So this causes me to have wildly random thoughts that I’m just going to riff on here: we all come to situations with our own perspectives and our worldview based on a compilation of our learned assumptions, our lived experiences, our natural tendencies, our past history, and many other things that just managed to seep into our conscious and unconscious mind.  So, with all that baggage, how can we bring ‘new eyes’ and an open mind to situations, especially those that might be fraught with tension or angst for us?  How can we even begin to understand where some of that tension and angst comes from if we’ve never actually learned to name our feelings, but rather to gloss over them with food or exercise or negative thoughts about ourselves or others? 

Being able to discriminate between/among things, activities, thoughts that are good for you and those that aren’t useful is extremely beneficial—in fact, it can be life-enhancing:

• Between people who add joy to your life and those who bring anger, unhappiness, frequent conflict;

• Between work that you find fulfilling and satisfying rather than that which does not engage your positive energy;

• Between thoughts that enhance your feelings of self-worth and positive growth and those that denigrate and bring you down;

• Between activities that reinforce your learning, growth, and contribution and those that emphasize remaining stuck and mired in negative emotions.

It’s very important to be able to make decisions about whatever changes you’re thinking of based on real information that you can then actually evaluate---that is, discriminate---weigh carefully against other information, look at through various lenses, such as how it fits for multiple aspects of your life---personal, professional, relational, spiritual, educational, etc.

What are the categories in your life through which you can effectively discriminate your decisions?

Word #2: Conclude

Here is my word for January 29, 2020: CONCLUDE

This is an action that I often think we may arrive at impulsively.  Unless we find ourselves in an emergency situation, a real emergency, there is time for careful consideration before we conclude our thinking. 

The really hard work is the figuring out—the thinking through and analyzing or, better still, synthesizing information from multiple sources---even from seemingly disparate sources as we try to keep our unconscious biases in check.  IF we take the time and effort to go through this kind of detailed exercise, then what we conclude in the end may well have some real merit.

However, if what we do is look at a situation and make a snap decision, rush to a rapid judgment, then it’s very likely we won’t have fully considered the relevant inputs, as well as the possible consequences---intended and unintended.  If that’s the case, then we may well fall into the trap described by Sherlock Holmes, Master Sleuth, when he said: “The temptation to form premature theories upon insufficient data is the bane of our profession.”

Word #1: Breakdown

My first thought with this word has to do with that sinking feeling when something goes wrong with my car or my computer.  There’s a breakdown of some sort that makes me furious because I’m completely out of my element with it---don’t have a clue what to do—-but I’m up a creek without both of these things----so I feel helpless and completely at the mercy of someone else.  And I really hate that feeling! Now it’s obvious that after I fume a bit, I’ll do the only thing I can do---call an expert. I’ll call AAA for the car (presuming my cell phone has service wherever I am when this delightful event occurs), or I’ll call my trusty computer guy.  Whatever is wrong with either my car or my computer will eventually be fixed---for a price, naturally; but I’ll be out of commission for a while. I won’t have the car while it’s in the shop---same with the computer. So, I’ll need to figure something to do for a backup during my breakdown.  No matter how helpful my friends and/or family are in this situation, it’s an inconvenience for me and them---and that drives me nuts! While I never mind helping other people out when they’re in a jam, I really don’t want to depend on others when the tables are turned. But I’ll accept the help gracefully, and be very thankful for it---and just hope the breakdown doesn’t mean I need to buy a new car or new computer---THAT would really be a pain!  

But, now that I think about it---and am getting over my initial reaction about cars and computers going kaput unexpectedly, another connotation for ‘breakdown’ comes to mind.  And that’s what the mechanic and computer guy will be doing to figure out what’s wrong with my car or computer. They will be taking things apart—actually doing that or analyzing how the parts are working together (which is a form of taking things apart), to perform their assessment.  

That gets me closer to the world I live in---thinking about doing analyzing, evaluating, assessing, figuring things out, using intuition (which I hope my car or computer guys are not doing!).  But perhaps there will be some of that intuition at play for them too---they’ll be using all their senses to figure out what’s wrong---listening, seeing, feeling, using past experience to bring to my particular problem.  

When I’m coaching, what I do most of all is listen.  And I help people listen to themselves so they can break down for themselves the things that are causing them stress, are barriers to their moving forward, are the challenges that feel insurmountable.  Sometimes, when my computer decides to do something funky and I call my computer guy, he can tell by my description of what’s happened that there’s a simple solution so I just push this button and change that setting and—bingo—all fixed.  

Our challenges aren’t usually so easy, but there’s still a similarity.  I have talents in many areas, but fixing computers that are on the fritz is definitely not one of them.  When I’ve reached a place in my life where I’ve felt like I was moving in circles, telling myself negative stories, feeling overwhelmed by circumstances and unable to see a way out---I’ve needed to find someone who could help me break down the challenges into smaller pieces to see where there’s space for change, a different perspective, a new outlook.  We can all learn to break down the insurmountable so we can build up a better plan to reach our desired goal.

Words . . . Words . . . Words

I’ve committed myself to writing something on no particular subject whenever the spirit moves me. The prompt for myself will be some random word or thought or just some off-the-wall idea that pops into my mind. I like this kind of exercise and, of course, I enjoy writing. Clearly, I’m a wordy writer as well, so it gives me license to be as expansive as I choose, and perhaps even manage to say something that might actually resonate with someone. We’ll see how it goes . . . .