For the past 4 months or so, I’ve been reading books on the subject of Anti-racism. After George Floyd’s murder, I was as horrified as most other people but discovered that I really had only a superficial understanding of the underlying truths of racism---and particularly systemic racism---in this country. As an older white woman, I’d had a strong reaction to all the racism and brutal oppression that I was witnessing in the US throughout the summer---all the violence against people of color; all the police brutality that had existed since this country was founded and was now being broadcast on television every night. I wanted to learn more about the core issues of white supremacy---how I was perpetuating that, even if unknowingly? ---and what else I needed to understand about myself in relation to these issues and then, what I could do to change and perhaps make a difference if only in my small sphere?
I began by reading Ibram X. Kendi’s book ‘How to be an Anti-Racist’. I had heard the calls of Black folk who were tired of educating white people about racism---so I knew I needed to become my own teacher. Fortunately for me, there is a rich number of books related to this subject clearly available to me right now. There probably always were---but I am managing to find them now.
Kendi’s book was helpful to me in many ways, but mostly because his own journey through to anti-racism was visible throughout it. He needed to struggle with himself---and clearly made great progress. Simultaneous with my reading and talking with other like-minded people, and the focus on Kendi’s thinking, I started reading other works as well. For a deeply researched and eye-opening work, Isabel Wilkerson’s book ‘Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents’ is beautifully written and staggeringly informative---bringing light to my own darkness about how our nation’s shameful history is woven into the very fabric of our thinking and acting today, whether or not we are aware of it or believe it to be true. Robin DiAngelo’s book ‘White Fragility: Why it’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism’ was an eye-opener to me, especially as it highlighted the subtle (and not so subtle) ways in which I could readily, confidently, and safely show up in the world in places and situations that would, at the very least, cause people of color to think twice or, more than likely, avoid altogether. That reality had never entered my consciousness. As a Registered Nurse, I had worked with colleagues of all ethnic, racial, social, and cultural backgrounds. When I worked in North Carolina, Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico I was acutely aware of the various cultural mores that prevailed and made equity difficult to create or maintain. But I wasn’t conscious of how I might have participated in treating people I knew and worked with who were African American, Hispanic or Native American in ways that were disrespectful or that might have reinforced the locally expected stereotypical behavior. That was a long time ago, but with current insight, more experience, and deeper reflection, it’s causing me to wonder.
I can’t undo what I probably did wrong many years ago, but I can and am working to better understand the many ways in which I may still be giving offense or acting through the familiarity of power dynamics just because I am a white person---and learn NOT TO DO IT. The current book I’m reading is Layla Saad’s ‘Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor’. There’s more than reading and discussing to be done with this book. There’s work ---compelling participants to face their own behavior and identify ways to alter and improve. This takes it beyond the safe realm of casual or even in-depth reading and into the area of honesty.
I need to be accountable to myself to face myself---to genuinely see and deeply absorb what this work has to teach me. I suspect it will be profound.
My grandchildren deserve this kind of ancestor and, even though it’s late in the game, I’m committed to learning how to become a better one than I am now.
Stating this openly is part of recognizing and acknowledging this pledge I make to myself and my descendants.
I am also working with a group of like-minded people of a similar age who share our personal insights by way of holding ourselves accountable for honesty to ourselves as we learn and face these important and challenging issues.